I've written sketches for Russ Abbott, continental TV comedy stars Jacques Vermeire, April Heiler and Robb Herzog and long-running sketch show "Samstag Nacht". My sketches were seen on iTV show "Shoot the Writers". Last year I wrote some material for, and directed "Sketchaholics" at the Westminster Reference Library.
I teach the techniques of sketch writing at Richmond Adult Community College and my own private courses in various central London Venues.
Here's a couple of character sketches I wrote. They're about Stiffy and Tiggles, a couple World War 11 WAAFs of whom I'm rather fond.
STIFFY AND TIGGLES (1)
WORLD WAR 11 BOMBER COMMAND CONTROL HQ. STIFFY AND TIGGLES ARE TWO WAAFS WHO GUIDE BOMBER PILOTS BACK HOME OVER THE RADIO. THEY ARE TERRIFICALLY POSH AND TERRIBLY CLIPPED. OVER THEM STANDS GROUP CAPTAIN CHAPLEY-SMYTHE.
TIGGLES
Bomber Command to Delta Two. You’re safely over the coast. Bandits have left your vector. Over and out.
STIFFY
Bomber Command to Foxtrot Three – you’re approaching base. Over and out.
TIGGLES
Well, we’ve got the boys safely home again, Stiffy.
STIFFY
Yes, Tiggles. Thanks to self-control, British pluck and efficient use of hair grips.
CHAPLEY-SMYTHE
Good show, girls. You’re a credit to Bomber Command. I’m going to recommend you both for a pat on the bottom in front of the staff.
TIGGLES
We’d be proud, sir.
STIFFY
Anything for our country, sir.
CHAPLEY-SMYTHE
Now listen closely. New mission. There’s a Fighter Squadron, led by Douglas Bader….
BEAT
TIGGLES
DOUGLAS BADER????!!!!!
STIFFY
OMIGOD!!!!!!!
TIGGLES How cool is that????
STIFFY
The greatest Spitfire ace in the country!
TIGGLES
Omigod!!! Douglas!!!!
STIFFY
AAAARGHHHH!!!
THEY STAND UP, FRANTICALLY PATTING THEIR HAIR AND ADJUSTING MAKEUP.
CHAPLEY-SMYTHE
….Bader’s boys will be flying out of our sector. So we’ll be liaising with a Hurricane crew.
TIGGLES
Well - Uuurrghhhhh.
STIFFY
Pig.
TIGGLES
Pooo.
STIFFY (SITTING DOWN AND REVERTING TO CHARACTER)
Jolly good, sir.
TIGGLES
You can count on us, sir.
CHAPLEY-SMYTHE
Well, I’m off. Got to go and brylcreem my medals.
HE EXITS. WE HEAR A FAINT CRACKLY PILOT’S VOICE OVER THE RADIO.
PILOT (AMERICAN)
Mayday. Mayday.
STIFFY
Hello, Control.
PILOT
Help. We’ve over the North Sea. We’ve lost our navigator and port engine.
TIGGLES
Don’t worry. Give us a fix and we’ll get you home alright.
STIFFY
It’s our job. Chin up old sport.
PILOT
Thank god. We’ve got a serious VIP on board.
TIGGLES
Who?
PILOT
Glenn Miller.
TIGGLES
… GLEN MILLER???!!!!
STIFFY
OMIGOD!!!!!
TIGGLES
How cool is that??!!!
STIFFY
The best swing bandleader in the Free World!!
TIGGLES
Omigod, Glen!!!!
STIFFY
AAARGHHHH!!!!
THEY FRANTICALLY PAT THEIR HAIR AND ADJUST MAKEUP.
PILOT
It’s all gone dark – can’t see where we are….
SOUND OF SCREAMS AND A CRASH INTO THE SEA. STIFFY AND TIGGLES STOP ADJUSTING THEIR MAKEUP, SIT DOWN AND TAKE IN WHAT HAS HAPPENED.
TIGGLES
Chin up, Stiffy.
STIFFY
Yes, we’ve been through worse, Tiggles.
ENDS
STIFFY AND TIGGLES (2)
BOMBER COMMAND HQ. STIFFY AND TIGGLES ARE AT THEIR STATIONS.
TIGGLES
Bomber Command to Bravo three. Contact base when mission accompolished.
STIFFY
Juliet One, you’re over target. Repeat over target.
ENTER OBERLEUTNANT BRUNO SCHLESSWIG.
SCHLESSWIG
Gut tag, mein frauleinen.
TIGGLES
Good heavens, Stiffy. There’s a Jerry in the base.
STIFFY
You’re right, Tiggles. Keep away from us, you filthy Hun.
TIGGLES:
Never underestimate the stiffness of a British corset.
SCHLESSWIG
Oberleutnant Bruno Schlesswig at your service. Do not underestimate me. I am in the pay of none other than General Erwin Rommel.
TIGGLES
ROMMEL???!!!!
STIFFY
OMIGOD!!!!!
TIGGLES
How cool is that???!!!!
STIFFY
The only really fit Nazi!!!!!!
TIGGLES
ROMMEL!!!!
STIFFY
AAAARGH!!!! He’s so cute!!!
THEY FRANTICALLY ADJUST THEIR MAKEUP, ENTER CHAPLEY- SMYTHE.